Have you ever...?

been in the checkout line at Dollar General (In hind sight, I see how I set myself up for this starting here) and had a nice southern mom, her adult daughter, and her daughter's husband get in line next to you (not behind you, next to you)? You may have a conversation like this... Daughter to paisley-"hey cute thing, can I wear your shoes" (I was purchasing tennis shoes for Paisley. Paisley- silence (looks at me as if to say, "mom, why is this lady so terribly close to my face and where are the rest of her teeth?" Daughter-(keep very country southern accent in mind) "Why is this taking so long, if that lady would shut her yacker (said VERY loudly about the checkout lady who was taking her sweet time socializing with each and every customer (also no teeth) Daughter's mom-"&*^$#$%#$%#$^%$^#" expletives that can't be typed (even LOUDER) meag tried to avert eyes away from the peeps next to her only to notice the trashy gossip magazine by the checkout counter on her other side. She averts eyes again as to not fill her brain with the pictures of distorted hollywood starlets and scandals. Trapped on both sides! The Daughter must have noticed me turn away from it. Cue daughter picking up magazine to read aloud to her mom (and the whole of Dollar General). Daughter- "Momma, look at this. It's that Whitley Houston (Whitney). She is real bloated." Momma- "She is blowed up lookin' like a balloon." Daughter-"That there is Jen, she played on Friends." Momma-"She done lost 7 lbs in 7 days...(pause, with great focus)...That means she lost 1 lb every day." Checkout lady-"That there is too much. You can only lose one lb. a week to keep it off. I know b/c I lost 12 lbs one time." I start to focus only on paying and leaving because if I look back at them, the odds of me breaking out into hysterical laughter with tears and pant peeing are very high. I'm also consumed by the injustice of the fact that no one was with me to appreciate the situation and laugh their heads off. Where are your brothers and sisters and Uncle Greg when you need them most? I would like to conclude with the most popular saying in the south...Bless their hearts!